The transition nobody warned you about

When we misplace our car keys in a rush, we know staying calm helps us find them faster than getting anxious and berating ourselves.

But we believe the inverse when we start losing conviction about what we want for our career and life.

We call it mid-life crisis, putting pressure on ourselves to get out of it asap.

Many people spend more energy feeling guilty, angry or even ashamed than actually sorting themselves out.

In his book The Adult Years, Frederic Hudson, founder of the Hudson Coaching Institute, noted that the longer lifespan and more dynamic environment should change how we see adult development.

With 30-40 more years of productive life ahead, expecting ourselves to choose and stick to a set of choices and values from our 30s or even 40s is simply ridiculous.

While adults will naturally go through several cycles of changes, similar to what we experienced in our 20s, we are not well-equipped and well-supported for these "in-between" periods.

The most important skill is probably just to stay calm in the middle of it, even though society and even we ourselves push otherwise. Allowing ourselves the space to be unsure, just like we did in our younger years, while we figure things out.

Some people look for such space from their community, some from coaches, some from self-reflection. As long as the chosen space helps us see beyond the self-blame, judgement, or pressure, we are good to find our new path eventually.